Has your child ever been so upset or angry that they immediately kicked, hit, or lashed out at another kid? You might find yourself wondering, "What got into them?" Well, this blog will explore the reasons why our kids sometimes make poor choices when they are mad, angry, or upset?
The brain is an intricate system—essentially our CPU. It controls everything, but to understand why children make impulsive or poor choices, it helps to understand how the brain works.
To explain this to younger kids, I like to use simple language. There are three main parts of the brain we’ll discuss today: the amygdala—THE BODYGUARD, the prefrontal cortex—THE WISE LEADER, and the hippocampus—OUR MEMORY KEEPER.
The amygdala, as described in the MindUp Curriculum by the Hawn Foundation, is the brain's reactive center. It's the gatekeeper that tries to protect us from perceived threats—whether they are real or imagined. Throughout human history, the amygdala has maintained its role of triggering the fight, freeze, or flee response. For example, during a math test, your body might shake and your nerves kick in, signaling your amygdala to shout "DANGER!" But how can you perform well if you've shut down? This is where mindfulness strategies like deep breathing, taking a walk, or using positive mantras come into play. These strategies help us manage our emotions and prevent us from freezing, fighting, or fleeing.
When the amygdala triggers this shutdown mode, the prefrontal cortex—our Wise Leader—can't function properly. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for making decisions, learning, and staying calm. For example, when you're confident in your writing and in the Ready Zone (feeling content and ready to learn), your prefrontal cortex can perform at its best. But if writing is challenging and you spiral into negative thoughts, your Bodyguard (amygdala) can take over, blocking your Wise Leader from doing its job.
Ever heard someone say, "I’m not a good test taker"? It’s often because nerves and anxiety take over, not because they lack intelligence. Their brain is in protection mode, not in thinking mode. It’s similar to contestants on Family Feud giving silly answers during the Fast Money round—they’re stressed, their heart is racing, and their brain isn’t clear enough to access the right information.
The key takeaway is to help your child understand how their mood and feelings affect their actions, and how those actions influence their learning and interactions with others.
“With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.”— Dr. Seuss
Tips to Teach Emotional Regulation:
Glitter Jar Activity:
Grab a clear water bottle and different colors of glitter.
Add one color of glitter for each stressful event: a trip, not getting the breakfast they wanted, rain ruining a playdate, etc.
Notice how the water bottle fills up and becomes cloudy, representing a fuzzy brain. The amygdala has shut down, and the prefrontal cortex can't make clear decisions.
Explain to your child that when we feel emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, or wild excitement, it becomes harder to make good choices or show what we're capable of.
Strategy Time: Encourage your child to choose a calming strategy—breathing deeply, taking a walk, blowing bubbles, or recalling a happy memory.
When kids recognize their anxiety or stress and choose a calming strategy, they can handle challenges better—whether it’s a test, a writing assignment, or kicking a penalty shot in soccer. By acknowledging and acting on their emotions, kids can show the world what they’re truly capable of.
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