The Critical Skill of Stopping: A Key to Emotional Regulation
- Desiree Eriksson
- May 7
- 2 min read
In this blog, you’ll learn the most important step in managing emotions: stopping to breathe.
I always thought this would be the easiest step for kids, and adults, myself even, but it might be one of the hardest. #PracticeMakesPermanent
But breathing is just one part of emotional regulation. We also focus on body awareness—noticing a racing heartbeat, clenched fists, raised shoulders, or tight lips. My students have become incredible feelings detectives, often pointing out when I look tired or upset (thanks, kids!). Watching them develop this mindfulness has been so fulfilling, but I realized something was missing.
As teachers, we constantly reflect, tweak, change, and sometimes start over. Despite all our lessons on emotions, I still see fights, tantrums, and tears in the hallway. I walk past kids crying, yelling, or lashing out in anger, and I think, Didn’t I teach them how to work through this?
They can recognize their feelings. They can name their emotions (even my 4-year-olds say “embarrassed” and “nervous”!). They can role-play problem-solving.
So what was I missing?
The Missing Piece: Learning to STOP
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." – Viktor E. Frankl
It finally hit me—we’ve practiced everything except how to stop.
How do we stop when we’re upset? How do we stop when we’re angry? How do we stop when our world feels like it’s falling apart?
Stopping isn’t just about self-control; it’s a skill that needs practice just like breathing. Here are a few ways to help kids develop the ability to pause before reacting:
Tips to Stop Before Reacting in Anger
✅ Choose a cue word – “Chill out,” “Pause,” “Calm down,” or “Breathe.”
✅ Use a cue from a friend – A peace sign, a deep breath, or a simple gesture.
✅ Find a safe space – A quiet corner, a calming object, or a designated break spot.
✅ Create a visual reminder – A drawing, a word, or something they can see when emotions start to take over.
Stopping is hard, but practicing it makes it possible. The more we teach kids and adults to pause, the more we give them the freedom to choose a better response.
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